THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR - A YEAR LATER

On December 11, 2009, I rode in an ambulance and don't even remember it! Even knowing that surgery and another hospital stay is in my future, my December and beginning of the holiday season 2010 is WAY better than last years. As an odd coincidence, I spent part of today at Towson Town Center and I saw the Santa that I waited in line last year to have my picture taken with. I didn't bother this year - it was weird, I recognized him immediately and then the memories of what followed struck me. Yes, some memories are still buried, like the ambulance ride, but others - the needles, hallucinations, therapy, swallowing problems, learning to walk again, etc., yes, those memories are still fresh. But, today, instead of being admitted to the hospital, I woke up early, did some Christmas shopping, I had dinner with my parents, checked up on some friends on Face Book, chatted with my sister on the phone and am getting ready to climb into my very own bed in my own home. Yes, things are a lot better this year! Lots to be thankful for.

The "hip" thing

If you have been following the Blog, you know that my hip/leg has been bothering me. I have seen several doctors and finally had an MRI and have now consulted with two different orthopaedic surgeons. Well - I don't like what either of them has had to say! SCREAM, SCREAM, SCREAM. Okay, I am done venting, now it is time to take some action. Of course, the two doctors don't say the same exact thing - but the bottom line with any treatment is that I need surgery! I know, believe me, the last thing in the world that I wanted to have to do anytime soon was go back to the hospital and have surgery - no way. Well, I don't think that I have a choice. I am going to weigh the options and procedures; decide between surgeons and hospitals; and formulate a time-line and plan. I hope to have some decisions made and a plan in motion early next week. Details to follow. As you can imagine, I have gone between shock and anger, but at least I know that it is not cancer. So, good news. Annoying news, but good news too.

LOST AND FOUND

If you have followed by Blog, you know that I spent last Christmas in the hospital and just prior to Christmas, I was very very sick. Well, I had tried to prepare for Christmas and bought some presents in advance,etc. I put those presents away and told my family where to find them to prepare for Christmas Day while I was in the hospital. Well, late Christmas Eve, my sister discovered that I did not have a present for Hannah (who was 9 at the time). We remembered buying it and I thought that it was in a gift bag, but no one could find it. Bonnie and my parents looked everywhere, but no present for Hannah. Well, it was too late to buy anything and I had some cute pencils and pad of paper and I had my sister wrap them so that I would have something to hand to Hannah when she visited me in the hospital on Christmas. I was totally upset and frustrated over the whole thing - probably much more than I should have been. Hannah took it all in stride and was not overly concerned. I promised to make it up to her after Christmas, and eventually I did. Well, as these things go - I have been trying to get some organization in my house and am cleaning out some closets, etc. Low and behold, I found Hannah's Christmas gifts! I was so excited and was just positive that they were somewhere in my house. Well, they were hidden under a shelf in a coset and could only be seen if you were on the floor and looking into the closet. (That is actually how I found the box - I was crawling on the floor with the closet open trying to find something that I had dropped and thought that it rolled into the closet!) I know, a totally wacky story, but sort of a full circle kind of thing. I had been so frazzled by the lost presents and now I know that they were here the whole time - just not findable. The really cute outfit that I bought for Hannah back then will not fit her now, but it is more the principal of it.

Good News; Interesting News & Not So Good News

GOOD NEWS FIRST: My most recent brain MRI is good. No new lesions or tumors found, no changes since the last one. So, very good news. I saw my current oncologist (Dr. Suman Rao) earlier in the week and everything is looking good.

INTERESTING NEWS: On October 26th (yes, my actual 50th birthday), I had an appointment at Mercy with my prior oncologist (Dr. David Riseberg) - you know, the one who treated me for the first round of lymphoma back in 1999/2000. I missed my yearly checkup last year - I was busy having brain surgery, etc.! Anyway, it was odd walking through those doors and seeing him again, especially after all that I have been through. He had been consulted immediately after the brain tumor was diagnosed as cancer (lymphoma). I did not know this (but probably should have), but a person can only have so much of certain kinds of chemotherapy treatments in a lifetime and I apparently had the maximum amount of "CHOP", already. That didn't really matter because CHOP does not work for brain cancer anyway. There are also some rules about how much radiaton a person can have in a lifetime, but I have not needed to figure that one out yet, since I chose not to have the whole brain radiation at this time. Dr. Rao and my primary care physician had also updated Dr. Riseberg on my status throughout my treatment protocol. So, when I walked in the door, Dr. Riseberg was very happy to see me - walking, talking and alive! He knew what I had been through and was very pleased to see me doing so well. We all know that where cancer is concerned, a person is never "out of the woods", but it sure did feel good to be feeling good that day. I know it sounds a bit odd at this point in my life, but I am an ELEVEN (11) year survivor of the first cancer! No one can take those eleven years away from me - not the good or the bad! I am now a ONE (1) year survivor of the second cancer! (HMM - maybe I need to play some number 1's in the lottery:) In the past, when I would have appointments with Dr. Riseberg, I would bring him some home made cookies or some Berger cookies or some Rhebs candy - something to share with his team - the team that pulled me through the first cancer. This year, in honor of my 50th birthday, I gave Dr. Riseberg a box filled with origami cranes. I made each of the cranes myself and told him that I hoped that they would bring him a little joy. As some of you know, the origami cranes mean a lot to me and I have given them to nurses and other hospital staff and as favors at my celebration. I will publish the origami story again by separate post, just in case you have forgotten or missed the story. A special thank you to all of the health care professionals who have given me these last eleven years.

NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Well, some of you know that I have been complaining about hip/leg pain for the last two months or so. It was initially thought to be bursitis and was treated with steroids, but it didn't seem to help. Actually, the pain has worsened and I am beginning to limp. So, I had a hip MRI the other day and the results are a little worrisome. The good news is that it is NOT cancer. I have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor early next week and will know more after that. It annoys me to even think of having yet another health problem - especially now that I am just beginning to get some normalcy back in my life! Yes, I am very very annoyed. But, as I have learned over and over again during my various health issues - I will take one day at a time. I can't do anything about this problem until I have all the facts and when I do, I will take the appropriate action. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Update to follow next week.

Reflections on Turning 50

Yes, I turned 50 on October 26, 2010. If you had asked me 20 years ago, what turning 50 would be like, I would have had a very different answer than the one that I have today. Back then, I might have said that 50 was old. Not now. Now I think that 50 is just a little bit past young and way way before old. Twenty years ago, I would have thought that at 50, I would know everything and have my life well planned and organized. Not now. No, I sure don't feel wise and my life is chaotic and there is no such thing as organization. But, today, I say, turning 50 is absolutely wonderful! It sure feels good to be alive and it sure feels good to feel well enough to celebrate. I, more so than some others, know that there are no guarantees of being alive from one birthday to another. And, I know that there is no guarantee that I will celebrate 51 or 60 or 100, and there is no guarantee that I won't either! I guess that is what we call "the uncertainties of life". I have been very fortunate in that respect. There have been quite a few "uncertainties of life" in my life. Some more uncertain than others. There have been more than a few times in my life that celebrating another birthday wasn't a "sure thing". Not just the major illnesses (non-hodgkins lymphoma; brain lymphoma; and the platelette eating infection and coma), but there were at least three other "near death experiences" from my childhood: (i) the time that I had a cyst on my ear drum that almost burst - when my mother got me to the hospital, they admitted me for surgery immediately and told her that she didn't even have time to wait for my father to get there before they started surgery; and (ii) the time that I stepped on a broken needle and it was in my foot for months until forming a giant lump and when a doctor finally removed it, he told me that he couldn't believe that it hadn't caused blood poisoning which would have caused me to die; and (iii) the time that I thought that I was drowning while camping and swimming in a lake (or some other such body of water) with the girl scouts. I probably was not really drowning, but it sure did feel like it. (FYI: Barbie pulled me to safety and I lost a shoe, but continued the camping trip and I had a great story to tell and retell for years afterwards!) I am sure that we can all remember a few "near misses" from our past - those times when a car "almost" hit us or that we were "almost" run over by a car or "almost" hit right in the head by a speeding baseball. Yes, I have seen my share of near misses and mighty close to death moments, but thanks to medical professionals (and Barbie) I am here and I am alive and I am just over 50 years old. Yes, I am thankful for every moment of these last five decades - the good moments and the bad ones. it sure does feel wonderful to be 50 - I just wish that I was a little wiser and a bit more organized!

No Whole Brain Radiation

Hi - sorry that I have not updated the Blog lately - let's just say, that life has gotten in the way. And, for the most part, that is a very good thing! Life in itself is a good thing. It is nice to be alive. "Having a life" is a good thing as well. It is nice to be back to some "normal" activities. But, as we all know, even the normal activities can be time consuming and stressful. For those who have not been updated, I have been rather busy - house floods, dear friend's wedding and reception, out-of-town guests, celebration, and lots and lots of doctor's and therapy appointments.

A lot of people have been asking, and I am sorry that it took me so long to let you know my decision, but after the consultation with the Radiation Oncologist, I wanted to consult with my Oncologist. Then, of course, the Oncologist sent me to see a Neurologist. So, eventhough my decision did not change, I wanted to be certain of my decision before broadcasting it to everyone. I have decided NOT to have whole brain radiation. It was a tough decision. So many risks involved on both sides. At this time, with the cancer gone, I am not willing to take the risks of having the radiation.

I will give you more updates later. But for now, know that all things on the cancer front seem to be going well - I will be having another brain MRI in late November.

For now "Go Ravens" and keep sending the positive thoughts and prayers!

FACE BOOK - A Good Thing and a Bad Thing

I have mostly thought that Face Book (FB) is not a good thing. Way too much information being shared with way too many people - most of which are not your friends! I do have a FB page. I joined a couple of years ago when a friend from high school, Class of 1977, one year ahead of me, was meeting with some other friends from the Class of 1977 for lunch. I went to the luncheon and had a nice time and reunited with a few old friends. All the women in the group had FB pages and wanted me to have one so that I could share some photographs from high school with them and then I could also view some of the things that they ad posted. So, soon thereafter, I joined FB and uploaded some pictures from high school, found some old friends and shared a few good memories. All of which, were the good things about FB. FB makes it to easy to share information and photographs with a large group of people all at the same time and that group of people can enjoy or ignore your information, at there own pace and time. It is also a nice way to find and connect with friends and relations from long ago or far away. We have all heard of some of the bad aspects of FB as well. There are those who use it to burglarize houses or spy on former friends and/or enemies. There is also a lot of people that use FB to promote themselves, their businesses, their political views and/or beliefs and agendas. I find it interesting how many people get hooked on the FB games - virtual farming and warring is all the rage in some circles. I also find it interesting to see which people are on FB all the time and which ones barely ever post to their page. I am sure that eventually, their will be syndromes named for all the various types of FB people. I have recently had a few good experiences due to FB. One, was being "found" by a friend from my old Northeast Baltimore neighborhood who now lives in Alaska. Yes, the young girl that I used to walk to the library with and buy ice ream cones with at the local Highs store, now lives in Alaska! I have not had any contact with her in approximately 25 years, so it was rather exciting and interesting to hear her story and know that she lives in Alaska. The other nice thing that FB did for me was reunite me with another old childhood friend from my Northeast Baltimore neighborhood. That friend has been struggling with health problems for the last few years and has also been fighting cancer for a couple of years as well. We conversed a little on FB and he mentioned that there was a neighborhood reunion coming up. I knew about the reunion and probably would not have attended - too much to do, too chilly - might rain - I had lots of excuses. Well, I attended only because my friend with cancer had checked himself out of the hospital just so that he could be at the reunion. After hearing that, all of my excuses seemed silly. How could I not attend? My chemotherapy treatments are over. I am feeling stronger every day. My friend has endured so much - surgeries and procedures and more surgeries and more procedures. It was bittersweet seeing him, he was not the young, handsome, vibrant, long haired hippy that I remembered from the neighborhood. He was now a 50 year old man battling cancer with all the side effects that come with each and every treatment. But his eyes shone with the same brilliance that I remembered from our youth. He was so excited to be there and to see me. He was so upbeat and had such a positive attitude that he seemed to glow. I am thankful to FB for reconnecting me with this friend. I guess that like all things, FB is good and bad.