Update on Recovery after Total Shoulder Replacement Surgery

I don't know what happened to January - one day I was celebrating Christmas and the next day it was February 1st! For benefit reasons, I decided to have my shoulder surgery sooner than later, so I had total shoulder replacement surgery (on my right shoulder) on February 3, 2012. I was a little apprehensive about the surgery, but I tried to not think of it much. The surgery day was sort of an ordeal, I got bumped from the first surgery in the a.m. to a noon surgery and then after surgery, I was in recovery until after 5:00pm - my poor parents were freaking out! All went well (we think) and I have been recovering at my parents house. The first few days were very rough and then things eased up a bit. I was not able to get my arm up to the computer or use the mouse until this weekend (and it is still an effort). So far, I am only permitted to do some small gentle stretches and can't pick up anything heavier than a fork with my right arm. But here's the rub - I can pick up the fork, but I can't get it up to my mouth!!! :) Needless to say, I am eating just fine with my left hand - not much keeps me from eating. That said, on Saturday, I got some sort of stomach flu and was sick in bed all weekend. After all that, my whole body was so sore, that I didn't even notice the pain in my shoulder! :) I see the surgeon tomorrow (first pre-op appointment) and once they determine that the replacement parts are in the right place and healing properly, I think that they will send me to physical therapy. I have been told that the pt is grueling - I will need to get back range of motion and strength (most of which I lost prior to the surgery). I am kind of sick of pt - I have had more than my share of it these last few years, but I know how important it is and I will work hard to get good motion back. The other arm will need surgery in the future, but I don't even want to think about it - I am not spending all of 2012 recovering from surgeries! PS: Someone told me that there is a video of a shoulder replacement surgery on YouTube, but I chose not to watch what was being done to my body - some things are better not dwelled upon!).

All else with me is good - aside from the stomach upset, I have been feeling well and keeping busy. Now I am kind of bored - there are a lot of things that I can't do with one arm - especially driving. I don't know why I keep paying car insurance - I can't drive more than I can!!! Today, I directed my dad in how to make chicken salad - I had cooked the chicken and froze it before I went into the hospital, so we pulled it out of the freezer and while my mom worked, my dad chopped the chicken, parsley, celery and mixed it with the spices and mayo so that we could have it for lunch - too funny - working in the kitchen with my dad is an odd "bonus" of all these illnesses/recoveries. We bake a great apple cake together too!

My sister and Hannah dropped by and took me to Panera Bread for a bowl of soup as a surprise (I had the cream of chicken with rice - yummy) - it was nice to get out. Mom and Dad joined us. It was a quiet, casual affair. I was craving a Linzer Cookie, but they didn't have any. I was actually surprised that they didn't seem to have anything special for Valentine's Day. Oh well, I will have to find my Linzer Cookie somewhere else.

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day! I know that a lot of single people don't like Valentine's Day, but for the most part I have always liked it. I do remember a few single years when it seemed as if everyone in the office, but me, received a big bouquet of flowers or candy or a singing telegram. I also remember friends and co-workers coming in after Valentine's Day with their stories of romantic dinners and even engagements. I guess that some of those times were sort of depressing, but I actually always like the holiday. Something abut all the bright reds and pinks during the dreary part of winter - something to help get over the doldrums of winter. I know, this year, Baltimore really hasn't experienced the doldrums of winter, but we usually do! And yes, I understand all the complaints that it is a holiday designed to sell greeting cards, candy and flowers - but really, are those things that bad! No one is telling people to go out and mortgage their house to buy a Valentine's Day gift! I know, like all holidays and celebrations, people have gotten carried away with the gift giving and the hopes and dreams related to the holiday, but the sentiment should be the real thought - letting someone know that they are special really should be all that is needed. Okay, I guess that I could do with a few less lovey dovey Hallmark Movies, but for the most part - all the romance in the air (and on tv) are pretty nice.
So, whatever your love-life status is, enjoy the day, enjoy the sentiment, lighten up a little or at least just enjoy the bright colors of the holiday! Happy Valentine's Day.

"Red Solo Cup" and other stuff on my mind

I woke up kind of down. Another surgery ahead of me. Heading towards yet another annoying medical test. Uncertainty about benefits. Thinking of some friends who recently had family illnesses and other bad things to deal with. Anyway, I was feeling blue and rushing along and I switched on the radio and heard a fairly new country song called "Red Solo Cup". I believe that Toby Keith sings it. Well, it was such a simple song and sentiment, but I found myself smiling from ear to ear and after a few moments, I was singing along. "Red solo cup, I fill you up, let's have a party!" Too funny. Well, it cheered me up all day. Sometimes it really is the little things that can make or break your day. Laughter truly is the best medicine sometimes.

Random Thoughts and Happy New Year!

2012 - WOW! These last couple of years have not been my "best" and 2012 hasn't started off great. After getting back from New Years Eve in Atlantic City, I caught a terrible cold - it started in my head, worked its way down to my chest and now it is upsetting the stomach! I am beginning to feel better though - I just feel bad that I am wasting all these good days being sick - and I only have so many good days before surgery! Aside from the surgery, I know that I will be facing and some other not so happy happenings in my life (like maybe not having benefits soon), but for the most part, I can't complain. Well, I really could complain, but choose not to. Instead, I will mention some of the things that have happened recently that were good things. I am in a sort of "stream of consciousness" mode, so these are random thoughts in no particular order:
Everyone in the family has been sick lately - cold/flu/congestion stuff - I was able to make chicken noodle soup and deliver it to Bonnie for her family and to my parents and also had some for myself. I don't make the "best" chicken noodle soup, but it is homemade and has lots of fresh ingredients - so it is probably healthy and hopefully helped everyone feel better. Although, Hannah did tell me that you have to eat Lipton Noodle Soup from the box if you want to cure your "sick throat". I also heard that my mom mixed my homemade soup with a box of Lipton soup - if you believe it helps, I am sure that it does. Probably all the added salt! I mention this as a "good thing" because even with my memory issues, the shoulder issues and pain, I was still able to make soup and deliver it to my family. It is one of those things that makes me feel good - it is also one of those things that for a long time, I couldn't have done at all - other people had to make soup and bring it to me!

As I mentioned earlier, I spent New Years Eve weekend in Atlantic City with mom and dad. I have been before and it isn't my first choice of things to do, but it was nice and I spent time with mom and dad and I know that mom really wanted to go. Unfortunately, dad was getting sick on the way there and spent most of the time in the hotel room coughing (and keeping me and mom up). I don't think that he had a very good time and we were all exhausted, but we did try to enjoy the trip! The weather was so warm that I was able to walk on the Boardwalk and even walked on the beach for a short distance! Mom and I walked to a few of the stores on the Boardwalk the one day - that was a pleasant surprise - especially in late December to be able to walk around outside with only light jackets on. (HMM - maybe that is part of the reason that we were all sick!) The dinner/dance on NYE was very fancy, but it is not the best fun when you are at something like that with a bunch of strangers. The brunch the next day was really delicious and even Dad joined us. I ate way too much!

I have been able to help Bonnie off and on by picking Hannah up from school these last few months. I torture Hannah by getting out of the car and waiting on the school steps for her - she complains that I am supposed to sit in the car like all the other parents, but secretly, I think that she enjoys the added attention. I try to bring her a healthy snack - usually a Granny Smith Apple when I pick her up. She is always hungry and that way I don't feel guilty for giving her more junk food.

Bonnie and I baked over 1,000 Italian Cookies this year. I don't know where they all went - I barely ate any and they are all gone. We had to make some to have for Christmas dinner at Lynda and Dave's house and we did give some away, but there were a lot of cookies and they all disappeared! I also made 3 or 4 batches of pizzelles and there is only a small can of those left. Again, where did they all go! I am glad that Bonnie and I continue the tradition. I like to joke that she even made me bake cookies on my death bed. I actually love to make them, but I don't think that she really enjoys it. The kids never want to help anymore, so I don't know if they will continue the tradition or not.

There are lots of other things running through my head right now, but I think that it is time to try to sleep. Sleep has been a bit elusive lately, but maybe now it will work.

Good Things

I thought that I would reflect on a couple of good things that have been going on and/or happening in or around my life. They are in no sort of order - sort of rambling thoughts, but here goes:

Today, I met a friend in Little Italy for lunch. I had forgotten just how good Chipparelli's salad could be! There was a nice crowd and happy atmosphere - most people were festive and in the holiday spirit. My ravioli were delicious and the home made bread was crusty on the outside and soft on the inside - just the way it should be. A good meal and good conversation. Well worth the effort of getting downtown!

I was given an early Christmas present of tickets to see The Lion King at the Hippodrome. I took Hannah and we both thoroughly enjoyed it. I have always like the musical and this production lived up to my expectations - good singing, good dancing and the puppetry was wonderful. It was nice to spend the one-on-one time with Hannah. She is growing up so quickly. She loved the animals - especially the giraffes "on stilts" and the hyenas. She also loved that our seats were in the front row of the balcony and that we were able to go into the private Lexus lounge during intermission. It was a great night and hopefully, a memory that Hannah will always cherish.

I had a really good day yesterday - it really put me in the Christmas spirit (even if the temperatures around her are in the 50's!). Early in the day, my dad, Bonnie and I met at St. Michael's to see Hannah play a lamb in the story of the birth of Jesus. It was just a bunch of school kids, but hearing the story and singing the Christmas hymns really made it feel like the holidays. Afterwards, Bonnie, Hannah and I had a quiet lunch at Friday's and then went to take cookies to Joyce and Brian's house. Joyce's house is so warm and inviting, we just chilled and chatted. Her grandbaby, Hunter, was there and we all enjoyed visiting with him - such a beautiful and happy baby. The house was decorated beautifullyand the Christmas tree was perfect. We munched on some delicious cookies - Joyce made Red Velvet Cookies with Cream Cheece Ising - I had never heard of them, nor had them before, but they were really good. Bonnie and I had planned to do so many things that day, but what we did was the best - we visited with Joyce and Brian and Hunter and each other. We relaxed and enjoyed the company and conversation. It really was a great way to spend the day. I realized something important today, sometimes you just have to stop and enjoy the moment and the company of others - that really is what the holidays are supposed to be about!

Another Glitch In The Road To Recovery

I have had a lot of stuff on my mind lately and have almost blogged a bunch of times, but I just couldn't seem to get my thoughts onto the computer. Not sure why, maybe for good reasons - been sort of busy living my life. Yes, that is a good reason. Not that my life has been all that interesting, but I have been living it! I am living in my own house and I am finally done with physical therapy (for now that is) and I am trying to regain some sort of normalcy and routine.

For the most part, I am doing very well. Still no signs of cancer. Yeah - I smile every time I think of it. I have come a long way since October, 2009. A long, long way! The hips have healed fairly well - I still have a lot of groin pain in the left leg/hip, but I am walking and going up and down stairs (although slowly), so I really can't complain. The orthopedic surgeon thinks that the groin pain is "normal" and that my body is still getting used to the foreign object - namely the fake hip. I'm not sure if I believe or trust his judgment on this one, but for now, I am giving it more time and trying not to complain about the pain too much.

Other good things that have been going on - some personal successes - I walked in the Race for the Cure in October - I only walked one mile, but I was pleased with myself for participating. I only went on a bus trip to New York City. That was a great accomplishment - something that I have wanted to do for a long time and was not sure if I had the strength and stamina for New York, but I did just fine. Of course, I had to take things a bit slower and I did run out of energy more quickly, but it didn't stop me and I was able to keep up with my friends. I saw a Broadway play - another accomplishment - I have been wanting to see a Broadway play since before I got sick. The best part about the trip is that I felt like I was doing something "normal" - something that I would have done in my pre-brain cancer life. It was a great feeling. I had a wonderful time and it made me long to go back. I can't wait to go to NYC again.

As for the shoulders, well, they are what is giving me sleepless nights these days! The 8 weeks of physical therapy really helped with getting me some more range of motion and strength - I can now pick up a full coffee cup with one hand! But, the pain is still there and sometimes it is pretty intense - especially when I sleep. Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, my arms (usually the right one, but sometimes the left one as well) are completely locked and each movement is jarring pain. Once I get them moving, the pain eases up, but those first few minutes are not at all pleasant. The good news on the shoulders is that the joint bones have not had any "significant deterioration" since the last x-rays and those were more than two months ago - so that is good. The bad news is that the problem will only get worse and that I need to have the surgery, it is the when to have it that is the problem. The orthopedic surgeon is leaving the timing up to me - his feeling is that I will know when the pain is too much to handle. The bigger problem is me - I don't want to have the surgery - not now, not next month and really not ever. I guess that is the glitch! I hate it when I really don't have any options. This whole illness (or series of illnesses, has been that way. I never seem to have any options - well, I guess I do have options - I can fight each issue or I can just stop fighting them. For the most part, I know that I will take the practical route and have the surgery sooner than later - it really will be best. The more I put it off, the worse my shoulders will get and the more I will dread it!

On that note, I am going to bed. I will think about the surgery more tomorrow. I promise to blog about something interesting or fun next time. I have had a lot of interesting stuff swimming through my head - I just need to jot them down.

Baking Disaster/Realization of Blessings

Yesterday started off well, I woke up early and without much pain. Mornings are rough, my left hip and groin are still bothering me and rolling in bed is rough on my necrotic shoulders. Even with the first chill in the air, I still felt better than usual at that time of the morning. I only had one task that was important to complete and no appointments. So things were looking good - all the physical therapy appointments are beginning to wear on me. I had planned to bake an apple cake and had bought the ingredients the day before. My sister called and told me that I didn't need to bake a cake - Megan had decided that she wanted to bake her own cake - she was going to try to make it look like a 3-D monster truck. My sister asked, that if I didn't mind, would I make the buttercream frosting, that way, Megan could focus on the cake. I didn't mind, I had already bought the ingredients for the icing and buttercream frosting is fairly simple and I have a stand up mixer, so it would not be hard on my shoulders. So, my only time-sensitive task of the day was to make some buttercream frosting and deliver it to my sister by 3:00 pm and it was still before 9:00 am. On a whim, since I didn't have a cake to bake and I had plenty of time on my hands, I decided to make some apple turnovers with the apples that I had bought for the cake - I had actually purchased some pre-made pastry crust because it was on sale, so the turnovers should be a fairly simple task. Well, as I cored and peeled and cut up the apples I realized that it was more work than I had remembered and I was beginning to feel tired. All that "arm work" was beginning to bother my shoulders and all the standing was taking a toll on my hips. Then I realized that I had spent far more time than I would have thought doing this first part of the turnover process. It was almost lunch time! Well, my mind began to race, I knew that I still needed to make the icing, but I still had plenty of time. Next I wound up fighting with the pastry dough. First it wouldn't come out of the wrapping and then it kept tearing as I tried to fill the turnovers with the apples. I had only gotten two turnovers completed when I was ready to break down and cry. The turnovers were a mess - lots of tears and apples spilling out everywhere. They were the strangest shapes and looked as if they would burst before I even got them in the oven. At that point, I realized that I was not even half-way done, I still had a bowl of chopped and spiced apples, that cost me a fortune and I didn't want to go to waste, I had not eaten lunch yet and I still had not made the frosting. I started to panic and then the phone started to ring and I was getting totally frustrated. If I were not so frugal, I would have dumped everything in the trash and called it a day. I just couldn't bear to waste those beautiful and expensive apples that I had spent to much time coring and peeling and chopping. I finally got a grip on myself and realized that the turnovers were just not going to happen that day, and I used the last round of pastry crust and filled it with the remainder of the apple mixture and formed a sort of "free-form" tart in a pie plate. I popped the two totally disheveled turnovers and the tart into the oven and started cleaning up all the mess that I had made. It seemed as if I had used every bowl and spoon and knife in my entire kitchen. The clock was now against me and I still had not eaten lunch, nor had I made the frosting! I stopped the cleaning up and made the frosting. I put it in the refridgerator and went back to the dishes and clean-up. I got the messy turnovers and tart out of the oven, I changed clothes and gathered some stuff and went to the car and drove to my sister's and went in and realized that I had all sorts of "stuff", but I didn't have any buttercream frosting - it was still at home in the fridge! I almost sat down and cried. I culd barely talk to my sister. She offered to go to my house and pick it up, but I felt that I needed to complete the one and only task that I had set out to do that day. I got back in the car and drove back to my house, the whole time chastising myself, and then I got caught up in school bus traffic and was even more angry at myself for not realizing that it was that time of the day. I finally delivered the frosting to my sister and got back into my car - if there were not so many people around, I think that I would have sat there and cried. I was so disappointed in myself. I used to be able to multi-task and problem solve - especially when it came to anything in the kitchen. The pre-brain cancer Debbie would have thrown out the first bad attempt at a turnover, made new pastry from scratch and prepared more turnovers. The pre-brain cancer Debbie could complete more than one task in a given day, she would have made the turnovers, made the frosting, eaten lunch, and a dozen other things and still would have delivered the frosting on-time and the pre-brain cancer Debbie wouldn't have walked out of the house without it and even if she did, she wouldn't have fallen apart over the mistake, she would have just moved more quickly and gotten the job done. I was suddenly hating myself. I ws totally frustrated and angry at myself. How could this be happening to me. How could this tiny baking disaster that started out on a whim turn me into such a mess! When I walked back into my house, I threw myself in a chair and tried to calm myself down. I still had a lot of mess to clean up and I still had not eaten lunch. And on top of everything else, I had two messed up turnovers and an ugly attempt at an apple tart sitting on my counter cooling and all they did was make me sad. Just as I was about to break down and cry and/or scream, I realized that my house smelled wonderful. The aromas of warm apple and cinnamon and nutmeg drifted through the air. The day was chilly, but my kitchen was still warm from the oven and that smell was just mouth-watering. It was then that I started to calm down and put things in perspective. It was that smell that made me realize that even the post-brain cancer Debbie was a pretty lucky woman. Just to be alive and standing in the kitchen and able to bake - even if it was a bit of a disaster. Able to walk and drive and function, even though I have some limitations. Able and alive! What did I have to be frustrated or angry or upset about. I was suddenly overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts and gratitude. Thoughts of all of those friends and neighbors and family members that were not as fortunate as I - who are not able to have a baking disaster; who are not here to smell the wonderful aroma of an apple turnover and tart baking in the kitchen or feel the warmth of the oven on a chilly day. I thought of how very fortunate I am to be able to do a favor for my sister - it was not that long ago that she would not even have thought of asking me to do anything for her, even something as simple as making buttercream frosting. It was not that long ago that I was not able to drive myself anywhere or even have the energy to get in and out of the house. I was suddenly sitting in my kitchen, basking in the warmth from the oven and the delicious aromas coming from my apple concoctions, and I was smiling. I realized that I have been too caught up in who and what I used to be and I had forgotten to be thankful for who and what I am now. The turnovers and tart have been eaten, the kitchen is again chilly and I can't even smell a hint of cinnamon or apples in the house, but the memory of my baking disater and the realization of my many blessings will linger deep in my soul for a long time. I know that just being here in this moment is a blessing and I am grateful for all of my post-brain cancer days - the good ones and the not-so-good ones. I have been truly blessed and sometimes I just need a little nudge to help me remember that.