Another Surgery Tomorow

Well, the other shoulder has gotten worse and now I need to have it taken care of.  Tomorrow morning I will have surgery at St. Josephs Medical Center/University of Maryland (or whatever it is called now) to do a total shoulder replacement on my left shoulder.  It has been just about 1-1/2 years since I had the right one done and have known all along that I would need this surgery.  If it is like the last one, the worst part is all the physical therapy.  Also, I am not looking forward to not being able to drive again!!! My only hope is that this one will go quicker since it is my left shoulder.

So, what have I been doing leading up to the surgery.  Well, with all the record high temperatures, I have been sweltering.  Aside from that,  I have been mostly cleaning my house, catching up on my gardening and doing paperwork - I needed to get done everything that needs two hand to accomplish!  I won't be able to make origami or crochet for quite a while.  I did get to have lunch/dinner with a few friends in the last few weeks and of course, and it is always fun to catch up with friends over a meal.   I also made some chicken salad for my family.  Sometimes I think that "chicken salad maker" is all that my family thinks that I do anymore!  :)  I will miss cooking and baking during my recovery - it is difficult to cook or bake with one arm.  Although, in all this heat, I have not been cooking or baking much.  Hopefully, I will be able to type with one hand, so I will give everyone an update in a few days!



 

Sometimes Dreams Do Come True - Cataract Surgery at 52

I was a bit shocked last month when the opthamologist told me that the cataracts that he had been monitoring had gotten bad and that I needed cataract surgeries on both eyes.  I wanted to sream, I could not believe that I needed another surgery and really couldn't believe that at 52, I had cataracts.  I have never wanted any sort of eye surgery.  I would not even have my vision corrected all these years of ever worsening vision - bifocals and transition lenses.  I was not happy, but not wanting to drag it out all summer (and some concerns about health insurance), I scheduled the surgeries for May 1st and May 15th and they are both now over.  I have been through some really rough surgeries, but for some reason, the eye surgery was freaking me out.  I never had my vision corrected, even though I had super terrible vision since I was in 3rd grade, because I never wanted anyone to touch my eyes.  The brain cancer was super upsetting because it affected my vision - I think that the vision issue was harder to deal with than the brain cancer itself.  Unless you are missing peripheral vision (or wearing an eye patch or some other obstruction to vision), you have no idea how much less your vision is.  It has been almost 4 years since losing my left peripheral vision and I still walk into things (Read on to hear about most recent crash later in this blog:).  Well, although scary, both cataract surgeries went fine.  The first one seemed really easy and the second one was more difficult and a bit more painful.  Although in the grand scheme of things, cataract surgery was not painful at all.  The needle for the IV was probably the most painful parts.  The constant eye drops are stinging and uncomfortable, but not really painful.  After each surgery, my face did look a bit bruised and there were some dark circles under my eyes.  Because of my terrible near sightedness, the two weeks between the first and second surgery were rather difficult.  With one eye seeing well and the other eye barely seeing at all, it was a real mess.  Driving and reading were somewhat impossible.  Distance views were okay - I could watch tv, etc.  Computer work, reading and anything with detail was almost impossible.  I lived the two weeks with weird arrangements of one eye closed while wearing glasses to be able to read with the other eye then removing the glasses to cover the other eye to see distances with the newly operated on eye, etc.  It was a wacky way to see!  But, the end result is that I can not see very well with both eyes, well EXCEPT for the reading part.  After spending every day since third grade wearing super thick glasses (and mostly hating every minute of it), I now only need glasses to read or view things close up.  It is an awesome feeling to wake up in the morning and be able to see the clock without reaching for my glasses!  It is also really great to be in the shower and reach for the shampoo or soap or anything and know exactly what it is and where it was sitting instead of guessing and feeling around to find something.  More than once, I have washed my hair with liquid soap because the bottle was the same shape and size as the shampoo bottle.  I had not realized how, over the years, I have gone through my morning rituals partially with memorization - I knew where things were, so I knew where to reach for them.  Without my glasses, I could only see large shapes without details, so staying in hotel rooms or other people's houses was always a bit disconcerting.  It is hard to explain to someone who has always had good vision.  Waking up that first morning after the second eye surgery was very strange.  Without moving, I could see everything in the room - without reaching for my glasses, I knew what time it was.  I can finally get rid of that super giant clock in my bedroom.  It was a great feeling.  When I was little and would dream, I would always dream of myself without glasses.  I guess in a weird way, one of my dreams has come true.  I know that the on and off of the reading glasses is going to take some getting used to, and we all know that I am not big on change, but I believe that this is going to be a very positive change in my life.  I guess that I can't say "no" glasses, but I can say "no, all the time" glasses!  Dreams sometimes do come true!  

Musical Walk Down Memory Lane

I don't often look at Youtube or videos or other music sites, but today on my Facebook page was a post of an Elvis song and I clicked on it.  It was Elvis singing "If I Can Dream" from the concert where he wore black leather.  The song was moving, especially after the events since the Boston Marathon bombings last Monday.  After that, I decided to look at a video of David Bowie's new song.  The video was quite odd - artistic, but odd - totally David Bowie. From there, I looked at some of my favorite David Bowie songs (Space Oddity, Starman, Oh, You Pretty Things, China Girl, etc.) and then I was linked to Freddie Mercury and the portion of the Queen Concert at Live Aid - wow, what memories.  Seeing Freddie Mercury command the audience was amazing.  I remember seeing him in concert all those years ago.

All that music stirred all sorts of memories - I had forgotten how music can do that.  Elvis, David Bowie and Queen were all sounds from various stages of my youth.  Although those days seem so far away, listening to the music made me feel as if it was yesterday.  Music can have such power.  Today, it made me happy.  It also made me reflect.  I reflected on different times in my life.  Music has always played an important role in my life.  It was the show tunes loaded onto my second hand I-Pod that got me through all the in-patient methotrexate chemotherapy treatments.  All those nights when I couldn't sleep, I would listen to songs from Cats and Evita and Wicked and Dream Girls and Nine and lots of others.  Those songs gave me comfort and strength and escape.  I could escape from the pain of my treatments and the pain of my situation.  It is funny, during my periods of hallucinations, I had a sudden realization of the meaning of some rock songs - I especially thought that I could finally understand David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars.  I always loved that album.  I still love the music, but it does sort of remind me of my hallucinations.  I just wish that I cold have used them to make beautiful music!  Another period of my life that a certain type of music was important is during my divorce - I would get up at night and play country music and bake.  It is funny, I still like to bake with the country music blasting.  I don't know a lot about music, I don't understand what is difficult or easy and what is great music and what is fluff - I only know what I like and don't like and what moves me.  I think that I will pull out some old CD's and revisit some more memory lane by way of music.

Disappointed - Lance Armstrong

I am sure that I am not alone in my disappointment of Lance Armstrong.  I watched the first part of the two part interview with Oprah tonight and heard him admit to "doping" or taking banned substances during races.  I am angry at myself for believing in him so much.  I guess that I really wanted to believe.  He fought cancer so bravely, I just wanted to believe that he fought to be a great sportsman the same way.  I can't imagine his life now, after his fall from grace.  It must be very difficult to have been so high up on a pedestal and to fall so far.  I don't know how he can look people in the face again - people that he lied to all this time.  I also don't know how anyone will ever believe anything that he says again.  I hope that he somehow does something positive with all of the negative.  For a while, I wore a Livestrong bracelet - it was given to me by someone at Mercy Hospital because my cancer story and survival from CNS Lymphoma resonated with her - she had lost her dear brother to the disease.  Lance gave so many people hope.  I guess that we should still look at it that he survived, he just didn't live honestly in other aspects of his life.  This disappointment will weight heavily on me for a while.

Chicken Noodle Soup "Cooking Class"

Today, my 18 year old niece Megan and I made a pot of chicken noodle soup.  Megan loves chicken noodle soup and has been asking me how to make it for a while.  She sent me a text last night asking if I could teach her to make it today.  I was not prepared and had to go to the grocery store this morning to buy just about everything needed to make the soup, but I am glad that I did.  Honestly, I did most of the work - chopping the veggies, simmering the chicken, watching the pot, making the noodles, cutting up the cooked chicken and adding it back to the soup, etc.  Megan cut up at least one carrot and stirred the pot once or twice, but I guess that she was taking it all in.  I think that the soup turned out well and she took a bowl with her and I delivered the remainder of the pot to my sister Bonnie, so that the family could have it for dinner.  After she left, I poured the small container of soup that I had saved for myself in a bowl and took this picture before I ate it.  I am thankful that I am well enough to have done this today!  Hopefully, Megan will always have this special memory of learning to make chicken noodle soup.  I know that I will.

Milestone and things on my mind

Well, the milestone is that in August, it was two years since my last chemotherapy treatment!  Sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times, it feels like a million years ago.  It is a great milestone.  I saw the oncologist and all of my blood work and scans were fine, so all good news.  I still have joint issues, but that is manageable for now.  I do my shoulder exercises every other day and hope that someday, the operated shoulder will stop hurting.  I know that the other shoulder will need surgery sometime in the future, but I will make sure that is in the very distant future!  I have been very fortunate and I am very grateful for the freedoms that I now have and the fairly good health that I now have.  I think that the only thing or things that make the good news less good is that I don't feel as if my life has moved on and away from the cancer the way I would have liked it to do.  I think that it has a lot to do with not having gone back to work.  I feel as if I am still living a sort of "in-between" existence and I keep waiting for my real life to start up again.  I don't particularly like this day to day life of not having any goals or deadlines.  My daily tasks are now rather mundane and totally unfulfilling.  I have taken to cooking a lot - it makes me feel as if I have accomplished something.  It is weird though - I feel as if my cooking has gotten bad - nothing seems to come out "right" or really good anymore.  And the oddest part is that I have so much more time to cook, so it should all be better.  Strange. I am working on taking a class and I may join a gym or fitness class.  I need to do more things to help the days feel more productive.  That will be my new goal - to make my days more productive.

Update on Recovery after Total Shoulder Replacement Surgery

I don't know what happened to January - one day I was celebrating Christmas and the next day it was February 1st! For benefit reasons, I decided to have my shoulder surgery sooner than later, so I had total shoulder replacement surgery (on my right shoulder) on February 3, 2012. I was a little apprehensive about the surgery, but I tried to not think of it much. The surgery day was sort of an ordeal, I got bumped from the first surgery in the a.m. to a noon surgery and then after surgery, I was in recovery until after 5:00pm - my poor parents were freaking out! All went well (we think) and I have been recovering at my parents house. The first few days were very rough and then things eased up a bit. I was not able to get my arm up to the computer or use the mouse until this weekend (and it is still an effort). So far, I am only permitted to do some small gentle stretches and can't pick up anything heavier than a fork with my right arm. But here's the rub - I can pick up the fork, but I can't get it up to my mouth!!! :) Needless to say, I am eating just fine with my left hand - not much keeps me from eating. That said, on Saturday, I got some sort of stomach flu and was sick in bed all weekend. After all that, my whole body was so sore, that I didn't even notice the pain in my shoulder! :) I see the surgeon tomorrow (first pre-op appointment) and once they determine that the replacement parts are in the right place and healing properly, I think that they will send me to physical therapy. I have been told that the pt is grueling - I will need to get back range of motion and strength (most of which I lost prior to the surgery). I am kind of sick of pt - I have had more than my share of it these last few years, but I know how important it is and I will work hard to get good motion back. The other arm will need surgery in the future, but I don't even want to think about it - I am not spending all of 2012 recovering from surgeries! PS: Someone told me that there is a video of a shoulder replacement surgery on YouTube, but I chose not to watch what was being done to my body - some things are better not dwelled upon!).

All else with me is good - aside from the stomach upset, I have been feeling well and keeping busy. Now I am kind of bored - there are a lot of things that I can't do with one arm - especially driving. I don't know why I keep paying car insurance - I can't drive more than I can!!! Today, I directed my dad in how to make chicken salad - I had cooked the chicken and froze it before I went into the hospital, so we pulled it out of the freezer and while my mom worked, my dad chopped the chicken, parsley, celery and mixed it with the spices and mayo so that we could have it for lunch - too funny - working in the kitchen with my dad is an odd "bonus" of all these illnesses/recoveries. We bake a great apple cake together too!

My sister and Hannah dropped by and took me to Panera Bread for a bowl of soup as a surprise (I had the cream of chicken with rice - yummy) - it was nice to get out. Mom and Dad joined us. It was a quiet, casual affair. I was craving a Linzer Cookie, but they didn't have any. I was actually surprised that they didn't seem to have anything special for Valentine's Day. Oh well, I will have to find my Linzer Cookie somewhere else.