Milestone and things on my mind

Well, the milestone is that in August, it was two years since my last chemotherapy treatment!  Sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times, it feels like a million years ago.  It is a great milestone.  I saw the oncologist and all of my blood work and scans were fine, so all good news.  I still have joint issues, but that is manageable for now.  I do my shoulder exercises every other day and hope that someday, the operated shoulder will stop hurting.  I know that the other shoulder will need surgery sometime in the future, but I will make sure that is in the very distant future!  I have been very fortunate and I am very grateful for the freedoms that I now have and the fairly good health that I now have.  I think that the only thing or things that make the good news less good is that I don't feel as if my life has moved on and away from the cancer the way I would have liked it to do.  I think that it has a lot to do with not having gone back to work.  I feel as if I am still living a sort of "in-between" existence and I keep waiting for my real life to start up again.  I don't particularly like this day to day life of not having any goals or deadlines.  My daily tasks are now rather mundane and totally unfulfilling.  I have taken to cooking a lot - it makes me feel as if I have accomplished something.  It is weird though - I feel as if my cooking has gotten bad - nothing seems to come out "right" or really good anymore.  And the oddest part is that I have so much more time to cook, so it should all be better.  Strange. I am working on taking a class and I may join a gym or fitness class.  I need to do more things to help the days feel more productive.  That will be my new goal - to make my days more productive.