This one is out of order! GOOD NEWS - I CAN DRINK PLAIN WATER AGAIN!

As some of you know, one of the lingering side effects to the Major Setback was that my throat was swollen/iritated (or something) and I had swallowing problems. (A lot of people who have strokes and or in ursing homes have this problem).

FIVE YEARS!

It has been five years since the brain cancer diagnosis!  Just saying it out loud is rather amazing - there were moments that I never dreamed that I would be here in five years.  It is easy now to take it all for granted, the bad memories have begun to fade.  The treatments and surgeries and recoveries are mostly distant memories now.  Even my check-ups are only once every six months.  I have come a long way!  I guess that the biggest reminder is that I do not live that life that I used to live.  The hardest thing for me still is that I never was able to go back to work.  I am a bit disappointed in myself on that account, sometimes I feel as if I did not try hard enough.  I am also disappointed in the way that I now spend my days.  I don't feel that I have accomplished much in the last five years, aside from getting well that is, and I did work very hard to get well.  My days are very busy, but not as meaningful and purposeful as they used to be when I worked.  I have done some volunteer work off and on.  I enjoy volunteering, but I have not found something that engages me yet.  Again, maybe I have not tried hard enough to find more fulfilling volunteer work. When I can, I try to be helpful to my family and friends.  I help out with school pick-up for my sister's youngest daughter once a week and sometimes I help her out with other things that she does not have time for.  For a while during the summer, I was making "big salad" lunches for her kids on the day that I did summer school pick-up.  That was kind of fun.  I have also become the queen of chicken salad - I seem to always be making it for someone!  I also help my parents with rides to appointments and paperwork and cooking dinners, etc.  One of the "blessings" of my illness and the time on my hands has been that I have been able to "be there" for my parents when they need me.  They are not getting any younger and both of them have had a lot more health issues these last years.  I am fortunate to have the time to devote to them when they need it.  I have also been able to drive a friend or two to a doctor appointment when needed.  I am not fond of highway driving, but I can do it, so it makes me feel good when I can help out my friends and family with needed transportation.

Aside from working, the other thing from my before brain cancer life that I truly miss is the enjoyment of reading.  I always loved to read and could lose myself in a book for days.  I would sometimes have "lost" weekends because I was so involved in a book that I would read the whole thing between Friday night after work until Sunday night when I had to go to bed again so that I could get up for work the next morning.  I have been trying to read more.  I mostly read the newspaper and magazines, but I have been trying to read more books.  I find that the shorter, less involved ones are best.  I have read a few books for teens and they seem to go well.  I can't get through mysteries or any of the fantasy literature stuff that I used to love so much - I lose track of the characters and the twists and turns of the plots too easily.  I recently read a humorous biography which kept me interested.  My former physical therapist gave me a used NOOK and it has encouraged me to read more.  I have always loved reading cook books and recipes and that I still do all the time.  It is one of my favorite past times.    

I find great enjoyment in cooking and baking - both have always been passions of mine.  I recently baked the "survivor" cookies that I baked last year for my friend who survived breast cancer.  I also decorated some Halloween cupcakes, just because I wanted to.  A few weeks ago I was on a quick bread binge - pumpkin bread and pumpkin muffins and banana bread all in the same week.  I seem to make the spaghetti sauce for the family much more than I ever used to (mom's is still better) and when I can think of something new or interesting to cook for, I'll try it out on mom and dad.

I started this blog post this evening because I couldn't sleep and that reminded me of all the times when I was sick that I was up in the wee hours.  I am fortunate that most of the time now, I do sleep very well.  Not certain what is keeping me up tonight, but maybe I just needed to put some of my thoughts on paper.  I will end this post with my hope for future posts.  I hope that I have more accomplishments and less disappointments to post about.  I hope to continue reading, more and more.  I hope to find more fulfilling ways to spend my time and I hope to be able to post many more milestones.

I end this post the way I began it, FIVE YEARS!