I AM HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL # 2 of 6 over

Another week in the hospital, another chemotherapy treatment behind me. I am feeling very tired (which is not unusual), but aside from that and a new rash on my face, I am feeling fairly well. I am very glad to be home - it felt like I was in the hospital for a month! Will rest tonight and send some updates tomorrow. Thanks for all the positive thoughts, phone calls, etc.

ROSE GARDEN

As per a previous Blog post, I have always wanted a rose garden. Well, now I have one! Mom, dad and I went to Valley View Farms out in Hunt Valley and bought two rose bushes. (I wanted three but was afraid that my garden was too small). I wanted a Pease rose bush, but they only had a Love and Peace rose bush, but I got it. I didn't know when I would get there again and the Love and Peace looked almost like the Peace, so I grabbed it while I had the chance. I also bought a Judy Garland rose bush. A very nice lady who was also shopping for a rose bush (as a present, her rose garden was already full) helped me with my rose bush selection and said that the ones with the buds would probably bloom in a couple of weeks, so I bought ones with buds. She was really helpful and knew a lot about roses. It was such a beautiful day, I could have looked around for hours, but my parents were antsy to get on the road - traffic was horrendous going out there and we wanted to get back before any sort of rush hour. And of course, York Road is always under construction. We did walk through the pond area, and I wanted a fountain and statuary and a pond, etc. I didn't think that any of that stuff would fit in my less than four feet by four feet garden (or in my budget), so I settled on a small frog with big bug eyes. We did stop at the Amish Market for a quick lunch and a box of donuts and some fruit. Everything there is expensive, but it was all yummy. It was a great day to be out and about - a real treat before heading back to the hospital next week. I was fairly exhausted after the shopping and lunch excursion, so we just dropped the potted rose bushes off at my house for the night. Dad took me over there the next morning and luckily the garden was in the shade (I can't be in the sun because the chemo makes me super sun sensitive). Dad did all the hard work - raking up the mulch, shoveling out the hole, carrying the bushes, getting them out of the pots, etc. Mosly, all I did was decide which spot to plant them in and pull a few stray weeds (some gardener I am!). I did place the frog in it's new home in the middle of my rose garden. I took a picture with my cell phone and if I figure out how to upload it, I will. Maybe when I get out of the hospital next time, I will have roses blooming in my garden!

Note: If anyone has been to Sherwood Gardens to see the tulips (Jay?), please give me a status report. I think that I may have missed them this year and I will be in the hospital next week. :(

Walk Down Memory Lane

I got up early one morning this week (my parents needed to wake me on their way to Walmart at 7:30 am, so it was easier to just get up). I did some basic stuff around the house (made my bed and put my clothes away, nothing big) and did my exercises and then went to AC Moore with my mom and dad - dad needed a part for a clock that died (he spent more money on the clock part than the whole clock was worth) And then I went to White Marsh Mall with my mom for a little while. The physical therapist wanted to know if I could walk around and shop for at least 30 minutes, so I decided to do something that I had been thinking of while at the mall. I had found some black and white 35 mm negatives at my house the other day and all that I could remember of them is that they were from a photography class that I took in college (most likely from 1978 or 1980). The actual prints were lost in a basement flood years ago, so I couldn't really remember what they were, so I took them to RITZ to see if they could print them for me. What a walk down memory lane! Most of the pictures were weird stuff (eggs, bread, etc.) - maybe they were requirements or something. There are pictures of the Inner Harbor and there is no Harbor Place there. There is a picture of my dad and he is so thin with this goatee thing on his face. My mom and sister were super thin in the pictures also. There are also pictures of my cousin Tami and her brother Justin (maybe 10 and 8), they were so funny - Justin was in some kind of costume - I can't wait to show the pictures to them. Anyway, it was worth the money to have them printed, just for the laughs I have had. My dad has been going through a big box of pictures (old black and whites and polaroids) in his spare time. Some of them are hysterical - the hair styles are often the only indication of the time-frame of the pictures. Anyway, the photograph thing is one of my "to-do" projects and has been for about 20 years (yes - photographs and recipes overrun my house!). Some day I will put all of my photographs in albums in chronological order! SOMEDAY. And soon after that, I will put all of my recipes in one place. SOMEDAY. I guess that they are both projects for a rainy day. One would think that I could have been working on stuff like that in-between chemotherapy treatments, but it is mostly a logistics problem. The photographs, etc. are at my house and I am not. Moving them back and forth is way too confusing. And doing anything in the hospital is a nightmare. I tried to do Christmas cards and that got all goofed up - I barely sent out any and the ones that did go out probably had breakfast stains on them - not much room to work in the hospital. Well, I guess that I was not in as good of shape at Christmastime as I am now, so it was partially my fault. Well, I did try to get a little bit of the picture projectit done. The dozen or so black and white prints that I picked up at the mall are now totally organized in a photo album!. Small steps, sub maybe someday!
Anyway, to continue my walk in the mall story, my mom and I then stopped at Wockenfuss and bought some 75% off Easter candy and ate it while we walked around the mall. (So much for healty exercise) That was my excitement of the day. And yes, I did walk for over 30 minutes in the mall, but when we left, I almost couldn't make it to the car. My legs were like jelly. I totally overdid it! My parents were so upset with me - I had to climb the stairs one at a time to get in the house. I had to come home and collapse on the sofa. I feel okay now - just a little achy in the hips and knees. I guess that I am not giving up physical therapy yet!

PEACE PUPPY - PS: keep it a secret from Hannah)

My sister works late on Thursday nights, so over the years, my parents help her out with babysitting on Thursday afternoons. My sister's youngest child, Hannah is nine, but will be ten soon. Hannah spends Thursday afternoons with my parents (and me, now that I am living there) . My dad (Pop to Hannah) picks her up from school and she entertains my mom and dad and stays for dinner until my brother-in-law, Dave, her dad, picks her up (usually between 6:30 and 7:00 pm). Lately, Hannah and Pop have gotten into the habit of having pancakes for dinner on Thursday nights - it is some sort of secret bond between them - I have never been offered pancakes for dinner since moving in with my parents in late October - an omlette once in a while, but never pancakes! Hannah gets very annoyed that the hospital will not allow her to visit me on Thursdays when I am there - she is too young and it really makes her angry. She will usually draw or color a picture for me to take with me for my room, so that something of hers is there with me, even if she can not be with me. (My sister did sneak her in on Christmas Day, but it caused a huge uproar and we had to get the Charge Nurse to make a fuss, etc.) Due to Spring Break and the Easter holiday, Hannah has been visiting with us more than usual these last few weeks. On Wednesday, my sister and Hannah picked me up from physical therapy and we went on a few errands together. Hannah mentioned that she needed a Webkinz Peace Puppy for a gift for her friend Taylor's birthday slumber party on Friday night. Well, just in case you don't have a young child in your life, a Webkinz is a small stuffed animal that has a secret code that you log into the Webkinz website and play games and decorate rooms and all sorts of stuff. I only know this because my long ago fellow girl scout and classmate Barb brought me a Webkinz Penguin recently when I was in the hospital. When I brought it home, Hannah knew all about it and helped me to register it on the web and decorate a room for it, etc. and every now and then on a Thursday we log in and check out my Penguin buddy. I digress - back to the Peace Puppy. Apparently Taylor told Hannah that all she wanted for her birthday was a Peace Puppy and some scented pencils that they sell at the Hallmark Store called Smencels (or something like that). So, while running errands, we stopped at every Hallmark Store in a 10 mile radius and there was no Peace Puppy to be found. Hannah was very sad. She really wanted to make her friend happy with the gift of a Peace Puppy. By the way, none of us knew what a Peace Puppy was or what it looked like, but everywhere we went, we were told that they had sold out fast. When I got home Thursday night, I did an internet search and found that a Peace Puppy was a little white stuffed puppy with little peace signs all over its body. It was adorable, but unless I was willing to spend way to much money, I could not have one in time for Friday's party. Well, Friday morning I woke up determined to find a Peace Puppy. Hannah would be spending part of the day with us and I wanted to surprise her with it. I called about 30 different stores, gift shops, etc. and got the same story from each of them - sorry, sold out. I don't know what made me think of it, but I remembered that the Wockenfuss Candy Stores in the malls usually sold stuffed animals, so I broadened my search. Well, a nice lady at the Wockenfuss in North Plaza Mall said yes, she had a Peace Puppy and would hold it for me. I was jumping for joy (probably more excited than Hannah). One problem - I can't drive and mom and dad had some appointments and were not home. Hannah and I were on pins and needles waiting for them to get home and take us to Wockenfuss - both of us were afraid that someone would give the Peace Puppy to another customer. Well, we got there and it was waiting for us. Well, needless to say, as soon as Hannah saw it, she fell in love with it and wanted one of her own, but there wasn't another one on the shelf. Oddly enough, there was another bag with a Peace Puppy in it, but it was being held for another crazy customer who had called around looking for one. Before leaving the store, I gave the sales lady my phone number and said that if the other person didn't pick it up, would she please give me a call, because my neice's birthday was coming up and she really wanted one, but that the one we were buying was a gift for her friend. Although Hannah really wanted the Peace Puppy for herself, she had originally wanted it as a gift for Taylor and she was not going to change her mind. So, this morning, Hannah, Megan and Ryan (Hannah's older sister and brother) picked me up to take me to my house and to help me do a few things there. Hannah was leaving for the slumber party from my house, so she had the Peace Puppy all wrapped in a giant gift bag and pillow and her pj's, etc. with her. Her first question when seeing me was, "Did the Wockenfuss lady call?". I shook my head and told her that it was unlikely, but that I would try to find one before her birthday. She seemed sad for a moment, but then she felt happy because she knew that she had a great gift for her friend. Later in the day, my cell phone rang and I answered, eventhough the number was not familar to me. Well, it was the Wockenfuss lady. The other person no longer wanted the Peace Puppy and I was welcome to come and get it! Yeah - I have a Peace Puppy for Hannah for her birthday. Okay, I guess that this story sounds a bit nutty and you are probably thinking that I have completely lost my mind. Well, it is just that due to a strange set of circumstances and me having the Major Health Setback around Christmas time, I somehow misplaced Hannah's Christmas gift (which I know that I bought her and my sister was with me, so she can back up my memory on that one, but it has never been found!). So, when Bonnie and her family came to the hospital to visit me on Christmas Day and there was such an ordeal getting Hannah in the hospital and she hadn't seen me in so long - and she knew that I was really really sick for a while and then I didn't look so good when she did get to see me. And then, on top of everything else, I didn't have a present for her (because of course we didn't realize it until that morning and where on earth do you get a good Christmas present on Christmas morning when you are in the hospital, etc. ). Not that the lack of a Christmas present ever seemed to matter to Hannah - it clearly upset me more than it upset her. I think that I gave her a small box of crayons or hair accessories or something, just to be able to hand her something, but it really never seemed to bother her and I still have not made up for the missing gift - I actually just remembered it. So, there it is, my three day obsession with finding a Peace Puppy and the happy ending, that not only did Hannah get to make her friend happy, but I found a Peace Puppy for Hannah too and she will get that surprise on her birthday. Wow, what a happy way to end the week!

EASTER, SPRING, ETC.

EASTER. Easter was a wonderful day. It was great to be home from the hospital. Yes, I was a bit fatigued, but the sun was shining and so was I. It was good to be a part of something "normal". Of course, holidays always contain a little stress, but this one had very little family drama! :) It was a beautiful day - no rain in sight - and mom, dad and I started preparing early. Most of the food was already prepared, so we just had a few odds and ends to attend to. We set up the tables and chairs, added the Easter table cloth (well - it was paper) and added the candy basket centerpiece that Hannah and I put together on Friday. I frosted the carrott cakes while mom made the carrotts. Later I glazed the ham and popped it into the oven. Almost everyone arrived on time and everyone ate like they had not eaten in days. I ate a little bit of everything - I was starving by dinner time and for some reason, everything tasted really good (which is not usually the case this close to a chemo treatment). Ham, deviled eggs, three kinds of stuffed shells, roast beef and gravy, asparagus, and other stuff. I constantly comment that my mom is obsessed with food, but I am beginning to think that I have the same disease! There were lots of good conversations and a very mini Easter egg hunt (I only had seven plastic eggs to hide). Ava and Hannah were the only hunters, but they did a good job and found all seven eggs. Baskets of goodies and treats were exchanged and food was wrapped in take-out containers and the Easter party ended in the late sunshine and mom, dad and I cleaned up and sat around the table having some dessert and discussing the days events - absolutely exhausted, but happy. The family had been together. The meal was good. And for a few hours, everything was right with the world.

SPRING. I spent a few hours at my own house the other day. WOW, that was a good feeling. I went there to put some paperwork away (yes, finally completed the taxes - yeah!). All my Spring bulbs were blooming in the back yard - I was shocked to see them. About a dozen daffodils and a couple of tulips - they looked so good to me. That is one of the things that I like about bulbs - sometimes, even when you don't replant them or think about them and the winter is cold and snowy, they flowers show up anyway. Tulips and daffodils are my favorite uninvited guests! I have problems with bulbs and some years don't have any flowers - there seem to be a lot of rabbits and squirrels in my neighborhood and they tend to feast on the bulbs. So, I was totally surprised to see the crocus the last time that I was at the house and the array of tulips and daffodils this time. Wow,what a great feeling. Well, I stayed at the house a few hours to take care of a few things. I completely cleaned out the refridgerator. It looked so clean and shiny (and empty) and cleaned out all the expired stuff from the pantry closet. It felt good to complete something. It all was a bit overwhelming because there is so much out of place - I left there in the beginning of October and have been barely back - the Fall arrangement with acorns on the dining room table is a strange reminder of the last time that I took interest in my home decor! After the clean out efforts, I went upstairs (yes, it is still difficult to get up those 13 steps) and took a nap in my own bed - wow, that really felt good too.

ETC. I had a bit of a meltdown the other day. So many things hit me at once. I guess the holiday and being at my house reminded me that I am not progressing with my own life. I know - very whiney of me. But, sometimes it does get to me. I am tired of going to the hospital and taking medicines. Tired of not being able to drive. Tired of not being able to work. Tired of talking to the insurance company. Tired of hospital bills. (PS: They have the absolute nerve to show the hospital room as "accomodations" on the invoices - as if I were on vacation!) Tired of just about everything. Yes, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was having a one woman pity party. I was a big grouch for a few hours and snapped at everyone around me. Well, it took a while and a walk outside, but I moved forward, counted my blessings, and stopped being grouchy. Yes, I even apologized to the people that I snapped at (well - not the insurance company). I guess that I needed the meltdown - my attitude has been much more positive since then!

I AM HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL.

Hi - I just got discharged from the hospital. I am feeling rather fatigued, a little blurry visioned, but aside from that, fine. No mouth sores and I had a good appetite today. I was so glad to get out of there - it was really boring this time. I guess because I was feeling fairly well and it was beautiful out and there just wasn't much to do in my little room. I tried to work on my exercises, but it is a little difficult when attached to an IV pole and fluids and/or chemo drugs! I read two magazines cover to cover. I wrote some lists of things I need to take care of. I spoke to the insurance company (what a fiasco - I am now so confused). I listened to some music. I called some friends. I watched TV - nothing very good though. Really glad to be home, especially in the good weather and just in time for Easter. Most of our Easter dinner is cooked and ready to go, so all I have to do is make the Easter Basket Centerpiece and icing the carrott cake that I made last week (and froze). It smelled so good when it was baking - I hope that it tastes as good now. Well, everyone have a real good Easter weekend! Five more chemotherapy treatments in my future. Talk to you soon.