Nuggets at 3:33 a.m.

I don't remember who used the phrase "nuggets" to refer to bits of memories that come back to you, but I always thought that it was a great word.

Well, I woke up at exactly 3:33 a.m. the other night from some sort of nightmare. It seemed so real. The only thing that I remember from the nightmare was that there were people out in the cold winter weather and it was freezing out and I could not do anything to help them. The weird thing is that when I woke up, I was freezing - I always seem to be cold these days.

Anyway, after the nightmare, I couldn't get back to sleep, so I sat up in the chair and listened to some Show Tunes on my IPod. That is when the nuggets started. I kept thinking of bits and pieces of unconnected things and memories from the last few years. Some were happy and some were not so happy and some were just strange. I thought of the cool goody basket that was sent to me when I had the brain surgery - I still use the mail box that it came in to keep my current bills in. I also thought of a long ago friend that called me out of the blue and I had not remembered to return the phone call. I thought of some of the really nice nurses that have taken care of me and shared personal stories of their lives with me - it is odd how sometimes a total stranger's story can have so much impact in a time of discomfort. I also tried to rememeber the name of a particulary "mean" nurse who I did not like much, but I could not remember her name - maybe it is true that the bad stuff is more easily forotten. I thought of the plants at my house that have long since died, since I did not get there enough to keep them watered (or remember to have someone else water them for me). I also thought of the potted snake plants in my spare bedroom that are still alive and are thriving, eventhough they have only received water in rare moments. I thought of the now dormant rose garden that I planted at my house, but never really completed - I wonder if they will come back this year - I was not very attentive to them since planing them in the Spring. I thought about all the funerals and viewings that I missed due to my illness - at least four of my friends lost a parent while I was ill. I thought of events that I was not able to attend, but really wanted to and I also thought of events that I was fortunate enough to be able to attend. That had me thinking of all the things that I dragged my sister to last year, because I needed a driver! I thought about people who had traveled far to visit me during various stages of my illness and all the lunches and dinners and meals that friends and family have bought and/or prepared for me. Some friends recently brought me a carry-out crabcake sandwich - oh it was so big and yummy! I also thought of all the cards and letters and emails that people have taken time to send my way - so many little things that make the days go by faster and made me smile for a little bit. So many "simple pleasures". These nuggets of memory lasted until around 5:30 a.m. when I finally turned off the music and layed back in bed and fell into a deep sleep. I was surprised at how much I remembered the next day when I woke up. I think that sometimes we forget how many "nuggets" make up our days and weeks and lives. It was good to reflect on a few of them.

Update on Recovery from Hip Surgery

I saw the surgeon today. He x-rayed the new hip and I saw the prosthesis on the x-ray. There were two giant screws going from the prosthesis into my pelvic bone (I think the pelvis is connected to the hip - I can't seem to remember the song). Kind of weird knowing that the artificial replacement part and some big screws are inside of my body! He did not use any cement to insert the prosthesis - apparently that is a good thing. The surgeon was very pleased with his work and my recovery so far. My recovery is right on track and his only comment is that I need to wean completely off of walking with any support (crutches and/or walker) shortly. He feels that the operated leg is now strong enough to be completely weight bearing and with a little more physical therapy, I should be walking just fine. Oh - one thing of concern - he does not recommend that I do the hokey pokey anytime soon! I must still adhere to the "hip restrictions" (pillow while sleeping and 90 degree sitting position and not bending, twisting, etc.), but can move about a bit more freely. No driving though (boo hoo - I paid so much to get my license back and still can't drive!). I will now graduate to out-patient physical therapy starting next week. Out-patient physical therapy is a good thing because my mom totally dislikes the home physical therapist and complains about her for hours after she leaves the house, but not a good thing because I will be back to paying all those $30.00 co-pays each week! Just can't win with all this health care stuff!

As for the other hip - the surgeon will monitor it over the next few months and make a determination about any surgery and/or treatments at a later date. Good thing - because the pain and inconvenience of this surgery is still too fresh in my mind to even contemplate doing it all over again!!! :)

Thanks to everyone for all of their support during this recovery!

Weird Sense of Deja Vu

There is snow on the ground, I am freezing, using a walker, not sleeping well, partially immobile and recovering again. I feel like I have done this all before! Yes, weird sense of Deja Vu. The first week after the surgery were very painful and restrictive, but things are getting better now. It is still totally uncomfortable to sleep and difficult to get in and out of bed, but I am moving about more and the pain is manageable. I think that this recovery is more of a mental strain than physical at this point. I just got back to leading a more independent life and now I am totally dependent again. Yuck! I do know that this time it is just "recovery" from surgery, I am not "sick". So, all things considered, I am in a much better place than the last time that I was learning to walk again. I know that I am very fortunate and I know that I have the strength and determination to recover from the hip replacement surgery. Soon, I truly will be well and hopefully m life will move forward. Soon.