Another Glitch In The Road To Recovery

I have had a lot of stuff on my mind lately and have almost blogged a bunch of times, but I just couldn't seem to get my thoughts onto the computer. Not sure why, maybe for good reasons - been sort of busy living my life. Yes, that is a good reason. Not that my life has been all that interesting, but I have been living it! I am living in my own house and I am finally done with physical therapy (for now that is) and I am trying to regain some sort of normalcy and routine.

For the most part, I am doing very well. Still no signs of cancer. Yeah - I smile every time I think of it. I have come a long way since October, 2009. A long, long way! The hips have healed fairly well - I still have a lot of groin pain in the left leg/hip, but I am walking and going up and down stairs (although slowly), so I really can't complain. The orthopedic surgeon thinks that the groin pain is "normal" and that my body is still getting used to the foreign object - namely the fake hip. I'm not sure if I believe or trust his judgment on this one, but for now, I am giving it more time and trying not to complain about the pain too much.

Other good things that have been going on - some personal successes - I walked in the Race for the Cure in October - I only walked one mile, but I was pleased with myself for participating. I only went on a bus trip to New York City. That was a great accomplishment - something that I have wanted to do for a long time and was not sure if I had the strength and stamina for New York, but I did just fine. Of course, I had to take things a bit slower and I did run out of energy more quickly, but it didn't stop me and I was able to keep up with my friends. I saw a Broadway play - another accomplishment - I have been wanting to see a Broadway play since before I got sick. The best part about the trip is that I felt like I was doing something "normal" - something that I would have done in my pre-brain cancer life. It was a great feeling. I had a wonderful time and it made me long to go back. I can't wait to go to NYC again.

As for the shoulders, well, they are what is giving me sleepless nights these days! The 8 weeks of physical therapy really helped with getting me some more range of motion and strength - I can now pick up a full coffee cup with one hand! But, the pain is still there and sometimes it is pretty intense - especially when I sleep. Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, my arms (usually the right one, but sometimes the left one as well) are completely locked and each movement is jarring pain. Once I get them moving, the pain eases up, but those first few minutes are not at all pleasant. The good news on the shoulders is that the joint bones have not had any "significant deterioration" since the last x-rays and those were more than two months ago - so that is good. The bad news is that the problem will only get worse and that I need to have the surgery, it is the when to have it that is the problem. The orthopedic surgeon is leaving the timing up to me - his feeling is that I will know when the pain is too much to handle. The bigger problem is me - I don't want to have the surgery - not now, not next month and really not ever. I guess that is the glitch! I hate it when I really don't have any options. This whole illness (or series of illnesses, has been that way. I never seem to have any options - well, I guess I do have options - I can fight each issue or I can just stop fighting them. For the most part, I know that I will take the practical route and have the surgery sooner than later - it really will be best. The more I put it off, the worse my shoulders will get and the more I will dread it!

On that note, I am going to bed. I will think about the surgery more tomorrow. I promise to blog about something interesting or fun next time. I have had a lot of interesting stuff swimming through my head - I just need to jot them down.