TIME IN A BOTTLE

I know that I have been a bit down lately, but today  I woke up feeling strong and truly blessed  I feel good and am in a very positive mood.  I am a very fortunate woman.  As most of you know I have been down this cancer road before - 10 years ago lots of good people saw me through chemotherapy and radiation and I was fortunate enough to "win" 10 healthy years.  The Venable Team has been amazingly supportive.    Wow - I could go on forever about the things that happened in those 1o years - some that I would like to erase from memory (September 11th) and some that are part of my happiest moments in life (2 trips to Disney).  We sometimes forget all the different components that come together to fill a day, a week, a life.  My recent days have dragged by endlessly - counting the minutes on the clock.  I am not doing that today.  Today, I am making each minute an activity - counting activities is much better than counting minutes!  I know that when I go back to the hospital on Monday, the days will be longer and less productive, but I also know that it should be only 7 days and that the following 7 days will be at home and more productive and more independent - I look forward to the good days!  These in-between weeks make me stronger - both in body and spirit.  Today, I think of all the things that I have done in the past ten years (some as mundane as food shopping) and I enjoy the thought of each of those mundane moments - I may not have lived to see those moments and I know how lucky I am to have lived to se them.  I actually look forward to being able to walk through a food store and pick out my own groceries.  It will take some time, but I know that it will come.  I will work hard to regain my endurance.  I also know that I won't take such mundane things for granted anymore.  The casual lunch with a friend or co-worker, the chance meeting on the street and stopping to chit chat, remembering to send a birthday greeting - so many little things that make up our lives.   Being able to stand on my own.  I am lucky to be able to stand and walk a little bit - a few weeks ago, I could not.  I stood for over 10 minutes this morning, totally on my own, it was a great accomplishment and tomorrow I know that I will do better.  I guess it goes back to the minutes that make up our lives - we need to make each one of them count or at least appreciate each one of them, even the ones that don't seem very exciting.  Standing where I am today in comparison to where I was a few weeks ago and also where I was ten years ago, the minutes seem so important and meaningful.  I am glad to have had each and everyone of those minutes in my life - even the embarrassing ones and the painful ones (yes, there are always bad ones - but they make us who we are).  Every part of the journey has led me to this place and has been a part of my life - the important word being LIFE - I sure don't want the alternative!  I need to embrace all of life, even the bad parts - they all mingle together to make the whole journey, the whole person, the whole life.    I also reflect today on the fact that today I am alive and sitting at this computer - again, rather mundane, but as of a few weeks ago, me sitting here typing this Blog didn't seem very likely.  I was totally unaware of that - but I know that many of you were very aware and scared and concerned and living through hellish times worrying about me.  People were on their way to visit me and received phone calls that I was not doing very well.  I know that great forces worked to bring me to sitting at this computer today and I am thankful for all of them and all of you.  It is humbling to think that I may not have ever had the chance to tell the people in my life, family, friends, co-workers, etc. how much I love and value each and every one of them.  I would like to personally call each person that I know and love, but I really don't have that much energy yet, but please know that I am forever grateful for each minute that I have been given - good and bad ones - and that I will try my best to use each of them for good!  Thank you.  Lots of love.  Debbie